~Radical Obedience~

‘God wants to purify our whole heart so we are prepared and mature for our calling’ – Lisa Terkeurst

Amen!!

Ok….So I had an entirely different thought process going on with my initial writing that I was working on yesterday into last night.  I had (over half-written) thoughts on my radical obedience in listening to God with regards to going back to school…the feelings I experienced when I began to take small steps towards God’s Will for my life, my future. All that good stuff…big obedience, the radical kind.

Not that this good stuff isn’t real-life…for me, it is. I’m living with the fact that on Monday, I’m back to school. And, get this…my very first class, with my very first Fall semester in college?? Math 110…first thing Monday morning. I’ll be honest in saying that this path of obedience is making me realize just how real it really is on my big scale.

But, what happened this morning feels a little more day-to-day real life. My writing direction has been changed and I’m being obedient.

I woke up to my refrigeration only creamer having been left out on the counter…all night. Ruined.

I LOVE my coffee in the mornings…but, only with a hefty pour off French Vanilla Creamer. If I don’t have creamer, I don’t have coffee. Substitutes are made from time to time…this morning was one of those times.

Ruined. That’s all I could think, I just ruined a brand new container of creamer! My coffee will no where near taste as good as it can be and here it is the first day of school for my kiddos so, I’m up earlier than I’ve been in weeks and weeks…I NEED my coffee.

That made a rough few min for me…6:15 am digging around in my cabinets for (hopefully) powdered creamer for my first cup (actually hoping for several cups worth).

Thank goodness I had some powdered French Vanilla in my cabinet…maybe even on the verge of being stale but, at that time, I didn’t care. I needed that first cup.

So, taking my first sip, I’m thinking this isn’t so bad…I’ll deal and enjoy my cup. Still realllly wanting my really good creamer the entire time and wondering why in the world did I leave that out? In my ten years of being a regular, buy coffee, buy creamer collect coffee cups kind of drinker I’ve never, not one time, left an entire (brand new, opened two days ago) container of creamer out to be ruined!

At some point yesterday evening, after a long non-stop kind of day, I made a pot of coffee, drank a few cups. I needed the evening energy boost. I also need my creamer to make it worth while.  I knew I would drink a few cups so, I left my creamer out for those few…a routine for me. After those few, I (usually) put my creamer back in the fridge…it’s never really even been out long enough to get warm much less ruined. Not real sure how I got that distracted…our kitchen isn’t out of sight by any means. We have an open floor plan and when we’re in the living room, we’re also in the kitchen and dining room. From where I’m sitting here at my computer, I can see my coffee pot…no excuse other than not paying attention, I guess.

So, after digging and finding powder first thing this morning, I’m drinking my cup(s) while kids are getting ready, having breakfast before school (we even had enough time to watch a few min of our recorded ‘Duck Dynasty’ from last night!) It was a ‘happy, happy, happy’ morning, kids excited and laughing, I’m snapping pictures out in the beautiful, cool sunny morning!

As were waiting on the bus, I’m getting excited to dwell in some Intentional God time, finish up my blog, maybe check facebook.

It was then that several conversations my hubby and I’ve had the several weeks hit me, right along with some frequent stomach pain.

We’ve spent lots of time talking about our health.

Just in the last couple of months…I’ve experienced some stomach issues that I’ve never dealt with before. A few times he’s mentioned I may be drinking too much coffee?! (It was actually mentioned to me last year by a doctor. I drink too much of the java!!)

I’ve agreed…with summer school, all the studying that came along with it, coffee was my ‘get through’. My constant, comfortably warm, tasty ‘Cup of Joe’. With that being said, I know too much coffee can be bad for me…but, for the last several months, I’ve ignored that fact.

God has told me I can get by without my creamer, at least for today…and probably even tomorrow.

After all, when it’s the powdered kind, I tend to drink wayyyyy less cups. So, I will abide and move forward with receiving confirmation that I need to cut back to one or two cups…ok, let me be honest….maybe 2 or 3 cups…

Am I being ‘radically obedient’ while listening? Not in the last several months (with coffee anyway).

For me, my time (my journey where it currently is)…yes, I am being obedient with school, with other things but, apparently I needed to learn a lesson with my coffee.

I’m doing without my creamer today and I’m fine. (Sort of forced obedience)

I’m starting 12 credit hours of school next week. (Choice obedience)

I’ll be fine.

I will remain in Him.

Obedient.

‘Remain in me and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, And you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me’    

John 15:4

I will continue to bear fruit as long as I’m working towards God’s will for my life and He remains in me daily, in ALL things…even my intake of coffee. And, if I’m not ‘listening’, He will make it known…one way or another.

I’m thankful for that revelation, for direction,  and so thankful for even the small convictions. God is working out my ‘kinks’ as I type…little by little, and with each and every small step, I walk closer and closer to Him, His Plan, His Will.

~To this day, I have to seek it by asking for the desire, discipline, discernment, direction, and delight~ Lisa Terkeurst

I love our current Online Bible Study by Lisa Terkeurst, ‘What Happens When Women Say Yes to God’, Our small group, It helps my accountability, my drive to blog every week. I also love reading other blogs…how real some of these women are in their personal pursuits of what we’re all ultimately seeking…that perfect peace and true JOY that comes from seeking and allowing God into our lives…by living day-to-day radical obedience…even with things as small as French Vanilla Creamer or ‘big’, life-altering things.

Whatever He says, Just Do it!

Thanks for reading my thoughts and know that I LOVE blog-hop Thursdays!!!! It’s like devotional-type moments all put together in one spot!

~Giant Ferris Wheel~

When I was a young girl, our family had a tradition of visiting the Texas State Fair every year. The day would be planned weeks in advance. My brothers and I spent days talking about food we’d eat and games we’d play. We would challenge each other on the rides we would brave. Each and every year, our goals would get bolder and bolder.

Counting the days down to Fair Day…until finally one (very early) morning, it would arrive!

After about an hour on the road, through still sleepy eyes, we’d begin our back-seat tradition of looking for the always there Texas State Ferris Wheel. It was a game of sorts to see who ‘could win’ and spot it first. We’d look and look, til we saw it, then we’d yell out…’THERE IT IS!’

From miles and miles away, towering above all else that direction, we would see this Giant of a ride. A huge, magnificent rounded structure that would move slowly in a circular motion. From that moment on, it was all we could look at, the monstrous circle in the sky that was like our beacon, our direction to the fair! Now, wide awake with anticipation, we’d know it wouldn’t be long!

How exciting it was to finally get there! The sights, the noises, the familiar smell of the famous State Fair Corn-dog, smothered in mustard, right along with the sweet, sweet smell of funnel cakes frying. The laughter, the cheers from people playing the games that constantly rang with bells and dings.

At some point in our day, we’d end up at the midway. My brothers and I would remind each other of how we said, this year, we’d ride the Ferris Wheel. More than not, we were all talk and no show when it came to that monstrous giant of a ride. It looked terrifying, maybe not from a distance and especially not from talk through anticipation of the day because…you know… as of 3 weeks ago, it was a done deal, we’d ride it this year…for sure!

When we actually got to the Park Midway, it became a different story. That ‘Giant Ferris Wheel’ became real when we were actually standing at the base of it. The three of us, although bravely committed at first, would inevitably ‘chicken out’ when we saw the monster from ground up.

‘Are we going to do it?’ one of us would ask. Nope. Not this year.

As we then would walk past the line, I would look at the excited faces…laughing and pointing up. I would follow their stares and see tiny arms and hands sticking out of the baskets that were teetering back and forth in the wind. I would hear screams and laughs. I wished every year I would’ve found the courage to be in that line, to feel that excitement of actually riding to the top.

This same scenario played out year after year. Am I going to this year? This one? This one? Yep.

Nope. Still too scared, the fear got the best of me for so many years.

One year,  I finally mustered the courage to do it.

Omgosh…all of the sudden, I found myself in line, sooooooo sick with anxiety, but…no matter, I was going to DO IT! I’m not sure what happened that particular year that made me finally go through with it but, I, to this day, am still thankful I overcame my fear of that giant. That monster of a beautiful circle that loomed over my thoughts, it became so much more than a ride. It was my ‘giant’ that I would overcome…I would finally be able to say, ‘YES, I’ve ridden the Texas State Fair Ferris Wheel!’

I vividly remember the ride to the top, the creaking and swaying of the metal enclosure as it slowly but surely made it’s way to the very tip top of the circle. All the way up, I was extremely scared, when the wind blew, I would think we were tipping over. When we would stop, I would think it had broke down and we were going to be stuck. When I heard screams from other buckets, I just knew someone was falling out. Through all my anxious thoughts and worries….I was trying to focus on the top. Trying to think about the view that would be so awesome very shortly.

The view that, for years, I was too scared to see.

That view, the thought of the climax of my ride, kept me breathing and excited for my ‘trip’.

I was not disappointed.

The view from the top was unlike anything I’d ever seen in my short 14 or 15 years.

Magnificent. Breathtaking. Majestic. Serine.

SO worth the ride, even worth the fear and indecision that I fought with through the years.

Had I not struggled with those emotions, those feelings, I don’t think I would’ve been near as appreciative of the view from the top.

In recalling this ‘giant’ from my childhood, I’m reminded, in my adulthood, I still have these ‘giants’. Granted, they’re not literal giants like this Ferris Wheel but, giants none-the-less. And, just like the Ferris Wheel…I know, kind of , sort of, what my view will be from the top.

Magnificent. Breathtaking. Majestic. Serine.

As an adult, I’m reminded daily of things and giants that I need to overcome to finish my ride to that beautiful view from the very top.

In some ways, I’m tackling a few of them right now. College, for me, starts in just about a week and a half.  I’m scared to death. But, I’m tackling it…fighting through the insecurities and the thoughts the enemy has worked so hard to plant in my head.

I’m doing it. Intentionally.Period.

In other ways, I’m still trying to find ways to work through my fears. I justify them. On some days, I even dwell in them. But, I’m working through what I can when I can. I know my rewards on the ‘other side’ will be awesome.

I’m working on it. Period. Small steps…even thought they may be fearful, creaking in the wind, so to speak…the anticipation, even the anxiety will be worth it one day.

God is with me, He’s always been with me. Through each and every Giant I’ve faced and will continue to face, He will be there rooting me on, filling me with the peace only He can. I’m committed to walking through all my fears, my insecurities, and in the end, just like my ride to the top and the magnificent view, He will fill me with a feeling of accomplishment and being humbly proud of what I’ve overcome. Some days are harder than others and some days are so hard that I cannot get myself in such a happy, positive position. Thank You, God, that those days are getting farther and farther between.

Through it ALL, my Giant will ultimately BE GOD, My Giant will no longer be fear, insecurity and doubt. It will be the Magnificent God that has always been and always will be.

~Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest with we do not give up~  

Gal 6:9

Dear God, Thank you for your unending love, mercy and grace. Please sharpen my vision to Your ways, Lord. Your will. I pray for guidance and direction, always seeking You, looking above and beyond. My head is bowed below while keeping my eyes on You God. I ask for forgiveness and understanding for my doubts and questions. Forgive me that, on some days, storms cloud my vision. Thank You for understanding and meeting me where I’m at. Thank You for reminding me that, even through my issues, I have a harvest soon to come.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Just like the ‘Giant’ Ferris Wheel, I will over come my personal giants through determination to see the ‘view from the top’. I look forward to my personal revelations and God-given strength to help me get there. If I have a bad day today, I will be that much more thankful for when I wake tomorrow because, for me, it will be a new day, filled with God’s mercies and LOVE.

Thank you to all who take the time to read my thoughts and thank you to Melissa Taylor’s OBS for encouraging my personal walk through sharing by blog. Being involved in all of the Online Bible Studies have really made me accountable for getting real, looking inside myself and God’s Word for my answers that I forever ask myself. I’m so grateful for this time in my life that I am recognizing my ‘giants’ and working on myself day after day.

God Bless :)

Flawless Role Model

~Great is His faithfulness, His mercies begin afresh each morning~  Lam 3:23

We live through 86,400 seconds each and every day that we’re blessed to be on this earth. On average, we’re awake for approx 61,200 seconds.

Awake with our loved ones, our lives and circumstances. We’re awake and acknowledging our schedules, work, cooking supper, homework, laundry on and on and on and on. We’re also awake with ourselves.  For me here lately, being with myself has been a little bit of a struggle. My thoughts and worries, at times my negative mindset…my doubts and insecurities…they’re really on the forefront more than I would like them to be at this point in my life.

I’ve spent a lot of those seconds attempting to figure out why my mindset is the way it is, for one reason or another, it  just  does not process without the ‘what-ifs’ in some of my thoughts. For example, I signed up for college…beginning June 3rd. Two classes…full time for the summer session!  This will be my first ever college experience, starting 20 years after I dropped out my Senior year, eventually getting my GED. The devil is wreaking havoc on my already worried mind. What am I thinking? I’m not smart enough. I’m not college material. I will be the oldest woman in a remedial math class that I must take before I even get started on my math requirements for my degree! I am doing my best…staying relatively positive, just very, very anxious about the direction God has been leading me. I know this is God…His plan for my ‘Greater’ but, for some messed up reason, I’m not fully, 100% trusting in Him.

Currently, I fall short a lot of those seconds in my day.

But the beautiful thing is, with being reminded in God’s Word that  His mercies for my shortcomings and negative, worried thoughts that sometimes take over my mind are wiped clean and I get to start fresh the next morning. I get to wake up and know, from His Word, that I can literally start with a clean slate. Gone are the thoughts yesterday.

86,400 seconds. Every. Day.

One more day…thousands of more seconds to keep trying. To keep working towards the goals for myself, the characteristics of a soul that is immersed in the Holy Peace that only God can offer. One day,I will achieve this wholly and completely. The peace only He can offer. Period.

For now, I will be thankful for where I am at and thankful I’m not where I used to be…with my faith, my love and my true self. I will intentionally try to replace the thoughts regarding college and math with the fact that I scored almost perfect in the reading and writing on my placement test…after being out of high school for 20 years!!

I will try my hardest to intentionally FOCUS on the good, His will. I will continue to look to Jesus, my ‘Flawless Role Model’.  Everyday I will continue to work towards my 86,400 seconds being what God intended for me, which is good, pleasing, and perfect!

To find my will, I will continue to walk to Him, listening for His voice. One day at a time, I am moving forward and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that through my little steps, His Big Plan will be discovered!! Each and every second of my day, I will gain more and more victories…the more I gain, the easier it will be to prevail over the next battle!

~Make me walk along the path of your commandments, for that is where my happiness is found~    Ps 119:35

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my blessings that, on some days, I fail to remember and acknowledge. Please be with me, guide my thoughts, actions and re-actions, God. Walk with me in Your Heavenly Peace and Comfort.

Thank You for Your mercies that are fresh and new every morning. Please continue to work with me on my thoughts, my negative mind-set. Please help me to be filled with the worthiness that I know You feel for me. Please help me to spend the 86,400 seconds of my day working towards Your goals for my life. Help me continue to intentionally walk towards you, learning each and every day from examples from my ‘Flawless Role Model’. Help me to walk more like Him, like You. While learning to love my neighbors as well as myself in all my 86,400 seconds you give me daily.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

~…Renew my life with your GOODNESS~   Ps 119:50

Thanks for all who take the time to read my thoughts each week, I really appreciate all the encouraging perspectives and prayers! Thanks, as well, for the encouragement to share while participating in Melissa Taylor’s OBS, currently working through the book, ‘Stressed-Less Living’ by Tracie Miles. I loved chapter 5…my favorite so far!  Being involved with the study as well as my small facebook group (Group 19…YAY) has really allowed me to focus on my thoughts, His will, my writing…all while being lifted up by some wonderful ladies in Christ. I’m here for a reason…and it’s not to waste my 86,400 seconds of growing and learning each day!

God Bless You in all the seconds of your days :)

~Healthy Tomorrows~

..After-all…I am living my tomorrow right NOW!!

 Which, my right now happens to be Melissa Taylor’s  Blog Hop Thursday! We’re currently working through Tracie Miles book, ‘Stressed-Less Living’ and soaking in Chapter 3, appropriately titled, ‘Silent Killer’. (This is in regards to stress being the ‘silent killer’).

I don’t want stress to be my killer. I mean, inevitably, I will die. I just don’t want to go this way. One day several years ago I thought I was.

I had the thoughts and feelings of  thinking I was having a heart attack. Chest heavy and hurting, I couldn’t breathe. Heart beating funny. I was feeling very off. I ended up in the ER. I was immediately seen, a nitroglycerin pill given to me…doctors in my face….nurses hooking up wires. I mean the full-out attempts at finding out if someone was, indeed, having a heart attack. Turned out, thankfully, I wasn’t. I was given some anxiety medicine and sent home. It was the scariest thing I’d ever experienced, speaking on myself personally.

I’m currently 38 (will be 39 in July), I’ve been on blood-pressure and heart palpitation meds for almost 4 years.When I first started seeing my heart doctor, he told me I was ‘too young’ to be seeing him at this point in my life.  Months after the heart attack scare, several heart monitors even a heart catheter later, I was told  if I’d lost about 30 pounds, learned how to deal with stress/anxiety and controlled my heartburn, I would not have to be on the medicine at all.

This is not how I want my life to go. More importantly, this is not the direction God wants me to go.

Life. I don’t want it to pass me up while I’m just hanging out somewhere in the middle. I mean, I’m so thankful for God, His mercy, His forgiveness, His unconditional love. I’m so thankful for my life. The people in it. I am happy. Married to my God-given soul mate. 5 beautiful God-given kids. Stable work for my husband. Looking forward to the future. I feel God’s blessings everyday. All day.

But, I don’t feel as good as all that sounds. Simply put, I want to feel as good as what I feel when I count my blessings…with myself. I want to feel blessed with Me. My thoughts. My goals. My ‘Greater’.

I’ve got lots of work yet to go, lots left to work on.

#3 on my stressor list is weight/food/cooking. Really, anything to do with food and/or eating.

First, I don’t like to cook, it stresses me out. One of the most romantic things my husband has ever said to me were, ‘Honey, you’ll never have to cook. I will cook for you forever’!!!! Almost 15 years later, he’s stuck to his words of love! He cooks anytime he can. Which, oddly so, has led to another stressor cause his cooking is the BEST! Anything and everything he cooks turns out beautiful. I’ve learned the hard way that going back for seconds has become my ‘normal’.

So, another stressor in regards to eating…my kids putting too much food in their mouth. Crazy huh? Let me explain that one…when my oldest daughter, who is now 19 was almost 2, a little old lady in a beauty shop gave her a piece of butterscotch hard-candy. I had my head in the sink getting my hair washed and all the ladies in the shop were helping me to watch her at that time. This sweet old lady thought she was being nice, giving her a piece of candy. (She must’ve forgot or never knew you DON’T give a 2 year old hard candy) So, as I’m coming up from my washing, this lady starts screaming and here it is my daughter is not breathing!!! She falls to the ground, turning blue, someone in the background is screaming and someone else is yelling CALL 911! I’m freaking OUT! At this point, I’d already picked up my daughter, she’s limp and blue…I’m hearing sirens. Instinctively, I turn her over and hit her so hard in that I leave a bruise the size of my palm in the middle of her back that was there for weeks. Upon hitting her in the back, the little piece of candy shot out of her throat, hit the floor and shattered into a hundred tiny pieces! She took a breath just as the EMT’s were barreling through the doors.  They took her, checked her over and gave her a teddy bear. She was FINE, thank you Lord! When they were leaving, she was waving and smiling at them. This scare changed my life. I’ve never been the same since with regards to children, food and eating. I’ve lived through that panic feeling just a little each and every time my children eat. It’s a stress.

I desperately want new perspectives and a new thought process.

With a renewed perception must come new thoughts. This is where I will have to intentionally change my thought process. I will need to quit remembering my daughter choking and start remembering that I don’t need a second round of food. I must start small…with a BIG result for the future. More than just a physical weight number there must be a change in my way of thinking…slowly but surely. One small baby step at a time, all of which will, eventually, end me up to where I want to be. Physically. Mentally.

I’ve gained so much weight in the last several years. I’m just not happy with how I feel lugging around the extra baggage. Consequently, the physical baggage has caused just as much mental baggage. (Like I need anymore ?!) Daily stressors.

This is something I can work on. On purpose, with God’s Help, I can do this. I know this because His Word tells me so,

~And this same God who who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus~  Phil 4:19

So far, this week…I’ve walked a total of two hours. I’ve done some small changes in how much I’m eating. For example, when I eat oatmeal, I normally use 2 packages of the instant…with lots of butter!! This week, it’s been 1 package with less butter :)

More movement and portion control will begin my walk towards a better physical self.

As far as the mental self…

Counseling, writing and school (which I start June 3rd…20 years after I walked out during my Senior year of high-school, I’m starting college!!!!) are my changes I’m currently working on!

These are changes God has made clear to me that I need to listen to and follow through with.

I’m on my way!

This is my new life scripture. It is what I cry out to the Lord. In the stressful times, the sad moments, the happy one and blessed ones. I want God to know I’m on my way because I have heard Him.

He knows.

Thank you God, for my blessings, for myself. Please forgive me for not loving me the way you intend. God, your love, mercy, grace and strength will be enough to walk me through. Please help me to not forget that in the days ahead. Lord, help me to help myself. I yearn to be filled with your Holy Spirit in whole. Not just bits and pieces. Thank you, God, that you will help me to pick up these bits and pieces of myself while putting them together with a new thought process. New ways. New love. I’m thankful for so many things about who I am, God and I know you love me no matter my size. But, I also know you don’t want me sad or uncomfortable in my own skin. I know, Lord, you want me in a place that I can work for You and Your Kingdom! Thank you for new mercies everyday!

In Jesus Name,

Amen

~Mirror, Mirror~

…Mirror, mirror, on the wall…am I fairest in any way at all?

These words instantly bring to mind a ‘Once upon a time’ thought for me. A fairy tale…complete with a beautiful princess in a beautiful castle, surrounded by every beautiful thing she needs, including  a prince-charming and, of course, the ‘Happy Ever After’ ending.

Let’s pretend for just a few that I’m a real-life princess, I have beautiful long, thick, hair. I live in a castle with singing animals that help me clean. I have a prince charming that has made me his Queen! We live in the most beautiful land of any land, in a 30 bedroom, 30,000 square feet castle complete with a moat (to go fishing) and a drawbridge to close when we don’t want company!

As with all fairy-tales, a villain must be included, someone trying to kill the joy and happiness. Trying their hardest to derail the ‘Happily Ever After’. I mean, seriously, you can’t have a fairy-tale without a villain. Taking it one step further, you can’t have it all plus a happy ending until you become a Warrior Princess who conquers the villain. Think of how meaningless the story would be without it.

So…in (my) real life…I used to have long, thick hair, it’s now way thinner and turning a beautiful gray/silver. I would seriously LOVE to have animals around me that whistled and sang but, I’m just fine with being around our 14 year old, plain ol’ Kitty. (Side note: Although she doesn’t talk, or sing or help me clean…she did, in her younger years play fetch. We’d roll up a small ball of foil and she’d chase and retrieve better than any dog I’ve ever owned!) I do have a real-life prince charming…he did sweep me off my feet nearly 15 years ago and I’ve been his Queen ever since. We live in our 1500 square foot happy, chaotic castle complete with a lake not too far down the road for fishing! I live (and love) my very own fairy tale life.

Which means I do my best to fight a villain in retaining and living out my ‘Happily Ever After’.

My villain is stress.

It’s threatening to compromise my happy ending with my prince charming and my happily chaotic castle.

This week, I’ve been inspired by Tracie Miles book, ‘Less-Stressed Living’ (through Melissa Taylor’s OBS), to really take a step back…to really look at myself…past the wrinkles, the laugh lines that just keep magically appearing on my face. Past the weight that has also just magically appeared. (It really has nothing to do with the fact that I love food, does it? Hey…in fairy tales, it can be totally about magic! Ha!) I needed to really take the time to dig, specifically with regards to stress.

What do I see when I look at myself every morning in that dreaded mirror, mirror?

I see a 38 year old wife of a wonderful husband, I see a mom to 5 beautiful, healthy children, I see lots of wrinkles and laugh lines. I see gray hair making itself known at my roots. I also see dark circles and stress lines. On lots of mornings, I feel the stress and it physically shows in my face and it for sure is known when I’m trying to find clothes to wear. When those feelings hit, the villain type discouraging thoughts, I do my best to ward them off as well as just steering clear of the mirrors.

I try to remain happy and smiling. Some days are easier than others.

What’s wrong with me?

In doing the self-assessment,  I learned that I have 10 ‘stressors’ that affect me sometimes on a daily basis…not all of them all of the time and not all of the time all of them. But, you can guarantee that one of the 10 will make itself known more than just a few times a week. I pray to find ways to deal with them…realistic, practical ways. That’s what I’m working on this week….working through each of them…numbering them in order of ‘stress-factor number’, trying to decide what (if anything) can be done about them. Praying over each one while also praying for wisdom, strength, willpower, and mercy!

~Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely~

1 Cor 13:12

God knows me completely and He knows that I’m working on myself, my mind and my intentional faith walk towards Him. As I see it, I AM a warrior, I’ve been through so much in my life…I’m halfway there, I just need to keep walking and put more effort into intentionally doing what I can to work on/change some of the stress-factors that threaten my future. Eating/food being one of my top 3 on my list. 

I totally understand there are stress-factors that I can do nothing about but, this one…even if it’s just ONE thing…it can ultimately be removed from my list completely if I would change some eating habits and gain some exercise habits!

Currently, when I’m in front of a mirror, there’s no birds singing on my shoulder, when I’m brushing my hair, it’s falling out, there’s usually a 3 year old little girl screaming that she wants me to blow-dry her hair. A 10 year old and an 8 year old having a screaming match down the hall. A 21 year old son and a 19 year old daughter that have left home, living together and currently struggling to find their own way in this beautiful life. I stress over all the above and more.

I’m far from a  fairy tale princess although I do have a real-life prince charming and I am daughter of a KING…so, that kinda, sorta technically means I AM a princess!

I declare that I am a Child of God, and a warrior princess and I’m going to ultimately win this battle against my villain one step at a time, one day at a time. This will be a life-long battle with an enemy, whether or not he’s called a villain, Satan or stress…the enemy is always there to ‘seek, kill and destroy’…and he’s up against a ‘Warrior Princess of God’ who prayerfully has heard her words of wisdom speaking loud and clear!

I can SO do this  as long as God is on my side and I carry through on my end of the deal with an unwavering faith in His plan, His timing and His will.

Thank you, God, for revelations and convictions that are sometimes meant to guide us towards your will for our lives. Thank you for my understanding that I have a ‘Greater’ purpose that I’m called to do and there are things I must work through in order to reach that point in my life. Thank you, God, for your unfailing love, mercy, forgiveness and guidance! Lord, I am coming!
In Jesus name I pray

Amen

Steps of Faith

 What small steps of faith do you feel God is calling you to take? What are some ways you can begin taking those steps?

Our family has taken lots of  big ‘steps’ over the last several months…steps that 6, 8, 10 years ago, we would have thought there’s no way we could be taking!  Steps that in their own way, have strengthened our faith walk, whether it be from stumbling or running. I feel God wants us to take steps and if we chose not to, well…He’ll find a way to guide us into them anyway.

For me, it’s really the steps that He’s guided…be it good or bad…that have really opened my eyes to the staircase ahead that I must start walking up in order to find my ‘Greater’. Some small steps, some huge but together they all will make up my ‘Greater’. Steps of self-respect, steps of confidence, steps of faith.

I thank God that I’m finally able to see the steps I need to take…I see them all, some are bigger than others but I must remember that I have to start with the small ones, eventually leading up to the bigger ones! One of the biggest is learning to love myself, who God made me to be, entirely…I’ve got to stop nit-picking myself! I’ve got to stop focusing on the negative and work on the positives!! This is critical for me to be able to take those larger steps later. My issues with anxiety and worry, they cause me to miss out on so many positives…they’re causing me to not love wholly…I mean, I love my family so much but, when I focus so much on the ‘what if’s’ and ‘why’s’ then that’s taking love away from them. Me not loving me as much as I should is taking away from them and it’s not honoring God at all…this must change!

Thank you, God, for your guidance, direction and love. Your mercies are new every day and I’m so thankful for that. Thank You for working in me and please continue to help, guide and direct my steps. I will walk toward you, your love and grace.

In Jesus name,

Amen

‘Dragging Behind’ Inspired by OBS ‘Greater’

‘What is your “net”?  (the thing that is keeping you from this greater journey?)  Can you let go of it?  Completely?

Leave your net and follow Jesus.’

#’Greater’withIntentionalFaith
This is today’s reflection question from Melissa Taylor’s OBS. A study that I’m really enjoying…a first time ever kind of thing and now wishing I had done one in the past but, feeling  for sure they’re a part of my future. Studies and thought like this bring out our answers, if we’re looking and if we’re asking. I’m INTENTIONALLY delving into this, I’m PURPOSEFULLY reading, asking and seeking. I’m WILLFUL about finding God in amongst this message that was divinely put in front of me!

‘Routine is a vital and biblical component in our relationship with God’

#Prayingforguidance
I’ve prayed for guidance and direction for almost 2 years now, specifically asking Him daily what my purpose is? Why am I here? Why have I gone through so much in my (fairly) young life? Has it all been for nothing? Why? Why? Why? Then, ironically, as He begins to actually answer me, I’m scared to death because it’s not what I was expecting at all…in fact, the total opposite. It’s similar to someone that may be soooooooo afraid of heights yet, they want to go up to the top at the Empire State Building to look over Manhattan while feeling the breeze and the sunshine. (The top is encased in chain link fence type stuff, offering the feel of being outside, a neat top of a building experience)

#SorryGod,IfonlyIcouldhave
In this analogy, first of all, one would have to want to go to the top of the Empire State building pretty badly. (I’ve been to the top…it’s an awesome, awesome experience)  They would have to fight through the anxiety of getting in the elevator, riding to the top, actually get out, walk down a hall to the door leading outside…to then look over and down all the while, feeling sick to their stomach coupled with having their fear of heights in full force. Afterwards, that person may feel like they’ve just had an experience of a lifetime! Being so so elated they actually did it, they tell people and show pictures. But, had they decided to skip it, giving into their insecurities, they may have regrets the rest of their life. That’s my biggest fear, to have regrets later. Eventually finding myself another decade older and nothing to show for it. I don’t want to have spent the last 10 years thinking, Oh, Lord how I could have glorified you so high…I could have shared my experiences of your grace, your forgiveness, and your love. Sorry, Lord,  I didn’t get past my insecurities. I couldn’t do what you wanted me to do.

I mean, seriously, I want to glorify God in all the ways I can…except this one.

We have to want to do it. So, in my reality, before I can fully step out in faith, I will have to want to conquer my biggest enemies, my ‘nets’ that are holding me back!! I have to want to step wayyyyyy outside of my comfort zone as a person filled daily with insecurities and lots of ‘hang-ups’. God has been helping me unpack the last many, many years (even before I formed a personal relationship, He was ‘orchestrating my destiny’, my life, my purpose, MY GREATER) but, I still hold onto so many internal things, thoughts and (at times) crippling insecurities, yet I want to do this for HIM because of what He’s done for me!

It scares me to think I may show up at my judgement, before God, with Him knowing that I had everything I needed but I (me only) feel I’m lacking the most important things, like courage, a ‘free’ mind not worried about things like my people anxieties or the judgement. The thing is, I know where I stand with Christ, I’m forgiven, because I believed and I asked for forgiveness. I know I’m going to Heaven so I’m not scared to die but, I don’t want to disappoint. How can I ignore this? I can’t. I want to step out in faith.

#Mynet
Here it is, my reality (my net) is that I’m more worried about people judging me instead of God’s actual judgement day?? What is NOT wrong with that??!!?

Why am I drowning in insecurity and fear?!?! Dear Lord, please be with me on this ‘stuff’. Please continue to guide me, my thoughts, my actions, my re-actions, my words. Please, please help me to find the courage in YOU to look past MYSELF. I know, Lord, it’s not about me…it’s about what I’ve been given from you…grace, mercy, and forgiveness. All glory to you, God, thank you for bringing me this far. I will continue to do my best, only looking to the end result…finding my place in helping to spread your love and forgiveness. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

#Myhighlightsofthechapter
This chapter is SO perfectly titled…Dragging Behind…yep, that’s so me. I pray that I can use this study to really help me break free from those devil-planted thoughts and ‘feelings’ that control my mind on so many days. Through it all, I thank God for making His presence known in  life in so many different ways.

‘Igniting God’s vision starts with becoming more acutely aware of God’s presence in your life’ One of my favorite quotes from the entire chapter!! SO, so true! Another one is ‘Becoming aware of His presence is the first step to realizing His purpose’. I thank God I’m aware of His presence, just praying to have the strength to to help fulfill His purpose.

Some other fav quotes that really struck me:

‘That calling can change everything, if you discern it’

‘God communicates vision differently to everyone He calls’

‘You have to pay attention to the spiritual vibrations around you’

Evaluate the interruptions’

…’Be ready to respond in faith when it does’!!! WOW…I’ve been reminded several times in the last few days to ‘be ready’…different devotionals and scripture have made that known to me!! Now, I pray to just ‘take off running’!!!

God Bless,

Becky